I Am The Captain Of My Soul
William Earnest Henley (published 1875)
(Invictus means “Unconquered” in Latin)
Out of the night that covers me
black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the horror of the shade
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate
how charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
“How do you know I have a brain injury?” I asked.
That’s what I asked when my (now) Occupational Therapist first came to see me.
On March 5, 2011, my husband, dog and I left Orangeville with some special dog food (which is why we had him with us) and started on our drive back home.
The next thing I remember is being in a hospital. Sunnybrook. I was strangely ‘unperturbed’ by this – which should have told me something right there.
I went home shortly after that with a letter from Sunnybrook saying I suffered a ‘traumatic brain injury’ or TBI for short. I didn’t know what a TBI was or how it would affect me. The remaining part of 2011 is a blur now. We’re half way through 2012, and I’m still struggling to understand TBI in what I can and cannot do. But that… as I am finding out – is the lot of having a TBI.
There I said it. T-r-a-u-m-a-t-i-c B-r-a-i-n I-n-j-u-r-y. I’m not looking for sympathy. I am looking for patience, understanding and to educate. TBI doesn’t just affect the victim. It affects family as well.
My family is everything to me right now. I have other wonderful people helping me too and friends that are concerned.
I am not the same.
I’m not sure what that even means to be ‘the same’, but I am ok.